Marriage after Divorce

Remarriage

When a couple decides to enter a second marriage after divorce, there are several issues of importance. A significant issue is how the new family will be blended.  Blending families can have enormous impact on the quality of life experienced by the children of either spouse.

Up to one-third of adult children (AC) of divorce, interviewed 20 years after the event, remember the remarriage of one of their parents as more stressful than the divorce. Two-thirds of those reporting stress stated that the father’s remarriage was more stressful than the mother’s. Children who had a poor relationship with their fathers following a divorce noted a more distant, negative, or nonexistent relationships with their paternal grandparents, stepmother, and step-siblings. However, children who reported that their parents were cooperative following the divorce stated they had good relationships with their parents, grandparents, step-parents, and step-siblings.

Other issues that may create stress for children whose parents enter a second marriage after divorce include conflicting roles/allegiances. Parents who expect/demand loyalty foster undue stress on their children who, at the very least, are unable to share positive memories experienced with the other parent. Additional issues include the timing of the introduction of a new relationship to one’s children. Frequently, parents may be entering a new relationship rather quickly after divorce, which may contribute to the anxiety and worsen the loss experienced by children. Sensitivity to the emotional reactions of one’s children, especially when they are becoming acquainted with the new significant other, can greatly impact their potential/eventual acceptance of her/him.

Remarriage After Divorce

When discussing second marriage following divorce, it is important to note that the relationship between parents and their children tends to be lopsided based on parent gender (i.e. favoring of the mother). Frequently, during the marriage, fathers receive less support from their children than do mothers. The difference in support level increases with divorce, expanding with remarriage, particularly when new children are introduced to the family.

Although these issues must be evaluated by any parent considering a second marriage after divorce, remarriage is an opportunity for growth for all willing participants. This article’s purpose is to present some of the issues that may impact a family following remarriage and to encourage discussion(s) between family members.

If you are struggling with the impact on your family of a second marriage after divorce, you may want to consult Stewart Ball for more personalized assistance. (812) 332-4929.